Spot the difference?
Hide the remote
A few years ago you'd be hard pushed to find an Aldi or Lidl in the UK.
Nowadays you'd be hard pushed not to find one.
They've sprung up at an alarming pace and ruthlessly stolen trade from the 'big four' supermarkets.
If you've ever shopped there, you'll probably understand why…
Alcoholic and Dec
Plenty of people lose their remotes.
I hide ours.
You see, we seem to keep seeing adverts from Travel Republic.
Lauren HATES Travel Republic, and I worry that she's going to catapult the remote at the screen whenever one of their adverts come on…
Lettuce remember the consequences
I'm not a big one for celebrity gossip.
I couldn't name a single person from Love Island, I've never watched a single episode of Big Brother, and I couldn't care less which Z-Lister has had a nose job.
But I was interested to hear that Ant and Dec are rumoured to be getting back together to present Britain's Got Talent…
How to drive
I spent the first few years of my working life in hospitality.
Much of that time I worked in the kitchen at a local gourmet burger restaurant.
Unsurprisingly, we got through a tremendous amount of lettuce.
It would arrive by the crate load, and it would fall on the newest or youngest chef to undertake the laborious task of preparing the lettuce for service…
Young dog. Same tricks.
I finished a book by Ben Collins recently, the man who played the part of 'The Stig' in Top Gear for several years.
Titled 'How to Drive', he shares his insights into his career as a racing and stunt driver, and there was one story I found particularly interesting.
During Ben's time driving in ASCAR - the UK equivalent of NASCAR, where dozen of deranged or extraordinarily brave Americans race at disconcerting speeds in alarming proximity to one another - he was mocked by all of his competitors…
Why my Dad never pays for his coffee...
People often comment how well behaved our Goldendoodle, Max, is when we're out and about.
I'd love to take credit for this. But Lauren reads my emails and I'd be lying if I said his training was anything to do with me.
If anything, I've untrained him slightly.
My favourite trick is where Max takes the newspaper out of the letterbox, trots into the kitchen, and drops it next to the recycling bin…
Where should you start?
Now, before I start I feel I should explain that my father, Mike, isn't a thief.
But he is a smart man who understands the psychology behind perceived value.
You see, whenever he goes to get a coffee from his local chain coffee shop, he stops at Poundland first.
He'll grab the biggest, best box of chocolates he can get for £1, before heading to the coffee shop…
Tim's "little secret"
I had a reply from an email I sent last week from a lovely man.
We'll call him Ken, because that was his name.
Ken wanted to have a chat about Ink Newsletters to see if it would be a good way to market his business.
I was getting ready to walk the dog when his email landed in my inbox so, a few minutes later when I arrived at the park, I gave him a call…
I was sat working in a local gastropub recently last Thursday.
I made the mistake of going at 1pm - prime time for the 'working lunch' - and found myself sat next to a table of four men, one of whom was clearly the client.
This man, a convincingly overweight man in his 50s, spent at least 15 minutes educating the younger, slimmer guests, on how best to get in shape.
And according to this man, Tim, nutrition is irrelevant…
We've been waiting for what feels like 6 years for our new green bin to arrive.
We're fairly careful to recycle everything we can and, with preparations for Baby Fish complete, we've accumulated an alarming amount of cardboard packaging.
When Lauren ordered a new one from the council they promised it'd be with us in 5-7 working days.
Still no sign…
One of my biggest weaknesses is failing to complete things.
I have a great idea, get started on implementing it, but only get 80% of the way to finishing it before losing focus and slowing to a stop.
I'll often dip back into the project over the following weeks in an attempt to finish it, but it's not uncommon for me to never do so.
Perhaps it's the pursuit of perfection that gets in my way…
Lauren and I went to the cinema the other night.
Not because there was anything we desperately wanted to see, but because we know that it's the last time we'll be able to do it for the foreseeable future.
I booked the tickets online. Picked our seats - the 'luxury' ones for maximum comfort. And headed to our local Empire.
Tickets in hand, we headed into Screen 8 to watch Aqua Man…
What a banker
I LOVE a good life hack.
Using a post-it note to catch the dust when drilling? Genius.
Turning a toaster on its side to make cheese on toast? Winner.
Using a comb to hold a nail you're hammering, to avoid smashing your fingertips? Incredible…
Marketing car crash
If you're desperate to be hated by the majority of the UK population, there are a few career paths to choose from.
Traffic wardens are a solid choice. Politicians a safe bet too.
But if you really want to incite hatred, becoming a banker seems to be the best choice.
I'm not going to join in on the 'banker bashing', but I saw some truly catastrophic marketing from Barclaycard recently that I wanted to share with you…
"Alexa, order 14 bottles of white spirit"
I passed my driving test within just 6 weeks of turning 17.
Not because I was a naturally gifted driver.
My spectacular motorway crash a few years ago is a testament to that not being the case.
I owe my speedy success to my Dad…
My first job
Whilst I love a bit of mild DIY, painting isn't my bag.
Lauren would say it's because I'm clumsy and it's hard to argue with her, having dropped and broken several things in the last week along.
So when you take a liquid that's virtually impossible to remove from carpets, pictures, and animals, it's easy to see why I avoid the stuff…
My worst ever subject line
I spent the first few years of my working life in restaurants. And, painfully long break-less back-to-back shifts aside, I LOVED it.
It was an environment I thrived in - both dealing with the customers and in the kitchen - but it was a miracle I ever got the job.
I was chronically shy and the idea of wandering around, handing out CVs, was a daunting one…
A hoard of frenzied shoppers
I sent two emails in one day last Wednesday.
No, I wasn't taking the 'daily' email piece to another level and starting a 'twice daily' email.
I'd actually meant to schedule the second email for the Friday, but hit the wrong button and sent it immediately instead…
We probably shouldn't work together
I don't think I've ever met anyone who particularly enjoys the supermarket shop.
Yes, there are spendaholics who'll get a thrill from blowing £10,000 on a Selfridges spending spree, but few would say the same about doing so in their local Asda…
If I worked at the Grant Cardone's office, I'd likely be treated like a lame horse...
Taken outside and shot.
You see, while I enjoy a good acronym as much as the next guy, I'm not a big fan of his 'ABC' mantra…